You DON’T Need to Be the Best

David:
This is the BiggerPockets Podcast show 810.

Greg:
What’s going to separate you from the herd is your mind and your heart. Tom Brady can outrun you. He can out jump. He can out lift you. What you can measure, you can outperform him at. What you can’t do is measure his mind and his heart. His commitment to being that guy that’s unstoppable. That’s mental, baby. That’s mental.

David:
What’s going on everyone? It’s David Greene. Your host of the BiggerPockets Real Estate Podcast here today with my co-host, Rob Abasolo coming at you guys from downtown LA at the Spotify Studios.

Rob:
That’s right. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.

David:
Yes, you can.

Rob:
We’ve made it.

David:
Yes, we have.

Rob:
We made it here. We made a podcast here today.

David:
You know who else has made it? Tom Brady.

Rob:
Tom Brady.

David:
Former newly Patriots.

Rob:
You could say that.

David:
He’s done okay at football.

Rob:
Do you know who else has made it?

David:
Who’s that?

Rob:
Desmond.

David:
Howard.

Rob:
Howard.

Rob:
And you know who else?

David:
Charles Woodson.

Rob:
Michael Phelps.

David:
And Michael Phelps.

Rob:
Michael Phelps, that’s right.

David:
And what do all those four people have in common?

Rob:
They’ve all been coached by Greg Harden.

David:
And we have Greg here today to talk about some of the things that he’s learned from his career as a clinical psychologist and now performance coach of some of the most successful people in the world of sports. This one was great. What are some things that you took away from this that are going to help you in your career as an investor?

Rob:
I walked into this podcast. I met Greg just for about a minute before he walked in, and he was just a ray of sunshine. I was like, “This is going to be a good podcast.” Because he really kind of breaks down that the real person in the way is you. And I know that this is something that we hear a lot of the times, but he actually gives anecdotes and strategies for letting go of baggage and basically kind of paints the picture that the only person in this world that has the ability to transform your life tomorrow is you. And it was just really inspiring to hear him say that and talk about some of the success he’s had with some of these major athletes in the world of sports.

David:
When the best of the best of the best all come to the same guy to learn how to be better, there’s something there, and Greg shares some of that secret sauce with us here today. One of the things that we’ve noticed through a day of recording was this idea of control the controllables. You can only control the things that you have control over. And Greg really hit that home with some practical examples of how we can respond. Another thing that I loved he talked about is that human beings are the only creatures on earth that have the ability to change. That was powerful. Dogs can’t change who they are. Cats can’t change who they are, but human beings actually, can we choose to hold onto the baggage of the past or we choose to let it go? Do you have any insights on that perspective?

Rob:
Yeah. I really liked the back and forth because he kind of talked about how animals can’t change and then we threw him a curveball with caterpillars and it was actually really fascinating to see two masterful analogies from two different people at such a high level like you guys come together.

David:
I mean, you were just a caterpillar on the wall watching out.

Rob:
I was a fly on the wall. I don’t get the privilege of being a caterpillar unfortunately.

David:
I’ve watched you blossom throughout your career. You’ve already become a bit of a butterfly.

Rob:
Thank you.

David:
Wasn’t there a butterfly joke today made as well about you or butterfly reference?

Rob:
Yes. And the Hormozi episode.

David:
So keep an eye out for that one aw well.

Rob:
Keep an ear out.

David:
There we go. Before we bring in Greg, today’s quick tip is brought to you by Rob Abasolo.

Rob:
Give 100%, 100% of the time. The way you do something is the way you do everything.

David:
Yes, that’s right.

Rob:
That is right.

David:
Keep going.

Rob:
I mean, that’s a one way of saying it. That’s how we’ve heard it so many times over the last couple of years. But I think we talked about this thing of not just choosing your battles, but choosing every battle and giving it all out. Go to war with all the things in your life and give it everything you got. And success is on the other way.

David:
I thought that was fascinating. You guys are going to love hearing about this. And if you think that sounds exhausting, well, Greg also says that you should give relaxing and resting a 100%-

Rob:
100%.

David:
… of your attention as well, right? So you’re never going to be tired. The perfect life hack. All right, let’s get to Greg. Greg Harden, welcome to the BiggerPockets Podcast. For those who don’t know who Greg is, a quick background. He’s a peak performance coach who has worked with athletes like Tom Brady, Michael Phelps, and Desmond Howard. I’m a Raider fan, so I know exactly who that is. He was once profiled by 60 Minutes as the University of Michigan’s secret weapon. Welcome to the show.

Greg:
Well, thank you. I’m excited to be here because what I found out about you guys is quite stimulating. You’re a former police officer, law enforcement. My son is here in LA, LAPD.

David:
Really? Cool. You got to tell-

Rob:
Give your son some knuckles for him, man. Pass it along.

Greg:
He’s a bad man. And this young man… Just what you guys are doing that has me excited is that you’re teaching people how to make money, but you’re daring them to be better at everything they do.

David:
That’s the secret. You don’t make more money, you don’t get better relationships, you don’t get better life unless you fix yourself first. It all starts from you.

Greg:
Yes, sir.

David:
I have a performance coach, Phil Towle. He actually worked with Dick Vermeil, won the Rams, won the Super Bowl. He worked with Metallica. Just a lot of high profile people just like you. Rob, do you have any coaching going on?

Rob:
Right now, just coaching in general?

David:
I mean coaches that help coaching you.

Rob:
Yeah, I’ve got a macro nutrition fitness coach. That’s about it. He has really kicked my butt up.

David:
Did he teach you to use big words like that to sound smart?

Greg:
That was impressive.

David:
You noticed it too.

Greg:
I tell you, man.

Rob:
Well, he taught me to work out six times a week and eat an insane amount of meat and rice and vegetables every single day.

David:
So you have an accountability partner that calls himself himself a coach?

Rob:
Absolutely.

David:
Okay.

Rob:
Yes. So, no. He He’s a coach. He’s a legit coach.

David:
All right.

Rob:
He’s coached like 500 people through it.

David:
So Greg, you work with professional athletes. We’re hosting a podcast about real estate. What’s the overlap? Help spell this out for our listeners.

Greg:
That’s good. What we need to be clear about is that we’re trying to get people to do their absolute best. We’re trying to get them to be deliberate and intentional about selling the product, about selling themselves. And when we’re talking about athletics, you’ve got to begin to understand that at this level, even before this level, pro, college, high school, the game gets mental. The higher you go, the more mental it becomes. So while people will think that you’re just talking about mastering real estate, you have to master your own mind and your own heart. You have to master your own ability to know when to go hard, when to back off, when to add onto your schedule, me time.
And so, we’re really talking about universal truth when we’re talking about performance. Because what we’ve really being talking about is what you’re teaching is people, how to perform, how to perform in a realm that some of them are being introduced to sometimes by you and sometimes by just their need to make more money and figure out how to change their lifestyle and how to do something different than what they’ve been doing. And they’re going Nutsy, Bobo. And so, what I’m dealing with in many cases are people who think that they know what they’re doing, who have been successful, and then they get to the next level and say, “Oh my God, what can I do to make it to the next level?” That’s all we’re talking about. Going to the next level.

Rob:
Well, I love that because-

David:
You sort of mentioned that the higher level you become, the more mental it becomes. So is it a bit of a sliding scale between the physical side of things, especially in the performance world where it actually is less physical and it’s more mental? Or is it one and the same?

Greg:
Well, I mean, that’s a great question. Think about it this way. If we’re talking about athletics in particular, when we talk about it being more mental at each level, the body had already better be prepared. So now the body is ready to be a peak performer. But is your mind able to perform at the highest level?

Rob:
So we’re sort of assuming you’ve prepped the body at its highest level.

Greg:
Yes. Because you’ll have… Let’s look at college. I was the man in high… DG. You know DG was the man.

David:
In high school.

Greg:
In high school.

David:
Junior high especially. Yeah, I was dominating. It was great.

Rob:
You’re a tall man.

David:
I was tall and that’s about all you need.

Greg:
He’s strong as ammonia. You understand? You’re that strong.

Rob:
Now that is an analogy. I think he’s got you topped.

David:
I might steal that one.

Rob:
Strongest as ammonia.

Greg:
And so, what we discover is that someone shows up now at division one, we may have gone to division one, but we didn’t turn into, you know who. But physically we were prepared, mentally, you have to shift the way you think. You have to shift from being that guy in high school because not everybody was that guy, that gal in high school. So what’s going to separate you from the herd? What’s going to separate you from the pack? It’s going to be this and this. Your mind and your heart. If we talk about a guy like Tom Brady who people may love or hate, bottom line is that’s Tom Brady. Tom Brady can outrun you. He can out jump you. He can out lift you.
What you can measure, you can outperform, outperforming that. What you can’t do is measure his mind and his heart, his commitment to being that guy that’s unstoppable. That’s mental, baby. That’s mental. If you just talk about your strength and endurance, nah. But if you talk about who’s got the heart and the mind to find… Wait, was it 28 to 3? No. There was a game in a Super Bowl against the Atlanta Falcons I believe. And the halftime it was 28 to 3.

David:
Yeah, they were getting crushed.

Greg:
Now, we’re not talking about a regular division game. We’re talking about-

David:
The highest level.

Greg:
… the Super Bowl. So we would imagine the two best teams on the field now at 28 to 3, I love you Tom, you’re my guy, but I’m watching out of respect. And I know not to turn away because if anyone can pull it off, it might be you, but it’s not probable. But that doesn’t mean it’s what impossible. My man, you understand? So it was improbable. Data would say it’s over. But that’s the problem that the Falcons had. They were in the locker room at halftime, confident that it was improbable and the game is done and they took their foot off. All they had to do is keep their foot on the paddle. But Tom Brady is sitting up talking about I’ll have another shot and that’s all he wants. Just give me a chance. Win, lose or draw, he was going to give you what? A 100% of the time. That’s mental, baby. Now, he had the endurance to do it. He had the flexibility and the strength, but that’s not what won that game.

David:
I remember watching that game working as a cop. Super Bowl was on. We were sitting in the office, guys are going in and out for calls, but everyone’s trying to watch. Halftime comes, the Falcons had just been dominating them. It wasn’t even a close game. And I remember all the typical, it’s over why pay attention? And I remember saying, “Tom Brady and the Patriots figure you out in the first half and he’s losing. But he’s collecting data. He’s figuring out where the weaknesses are. He’s making mistakes and he’s learning from them. In the second half, he’s going to take everything that he learned in the first half and you’re going to see way more effectiveness.” Now, I didn’t guarantee he’s going to win.

Greg:
No.

David:
That’s a big hurdle. But I remember saying, “This game is not even close to me over. This is going to be an exciting second half.” And everyone mocked me. It’s 28 to 3.

Greg:
But you had fun.

David:
Yeah, man, that felt really good.

Greg:
But you had a ball that day.

David:
And I mean, the second half was the exact opposite of the first half. The Patriots just went out there and Molly walked them. It was crazy. And there’s some life lessons to take out of that. Just the first half of your life didn’t go like you thought, you married the wrong person, you had the wrong job, you had to overcome some difficulties from your childhood. It finally clicks, the second half of your life can be completely different. You can make up more than makeup for all the stuff that happened in the first half.

Greg:
And you can decide that it’s not going to be. The only creature on this earth that can decide to not be like they were yesterday is a human being. So a dog is going to have to be a dog every day. A cat is going to be a cat, a lion is going to be a lion. The only creature that can transform themselves on purpose is a human being. Now, my wife immediately challenged me and says, “Well, a caterpillar…”

Rob:
She got you there.

Greg:
It’s metamorphosis. He changes and then she got even deeper. A tadpole is born in the water and can walk on land. I said, “Baby, oh, I’m impressed. However, we’re talking about deciding to change.”

David:
Well, a tadpole had a frog in it the whole time. It just had to evolve into what was already there, right. Dogs aren’t evolving into something different. Same as a caterpillar, it had the potential to evolve into a butterfly. So you could make the argument that a human being deciding to be different is just sort of tapping into that same. You have had that potential the entire time, you didn’t act. Many humans will decide to stay a caterpillar, I guess, is what I’m saying.

Rob:
That’s a pretty good mixture rather than metaphors.

Greg:
Yeah, my man.

Rob:
We’re metaphorical kings here. I love it.

Greg:
Hey, you can take it because he just took it to another level.

Rob:
Now go back to your wife with that.

Greg:
Hey look…

David:
That was what I’m really here for. Hoping one husband wins an argument at some point in a marriage ever. That would be my coaching program.

Rob:
We did it, we penned it here.

David:
Do you want to win one argument with your spouse?

Greg:
Yeah, I’ll take one.

David:
Yes, that’s all it takes.

Greg:
But just think about what we’re talking about. How a person can wake up one day and decide to stop being a jerk, to stop being an alcoholic, to stop being someone who is overwhelmed by everything, being negative, miserable and depressed. That’s major. And once you tap into a part of your mind that understands that, or if you get coached into it and trained into it, there are no limits because most of our limits are self-imposed. And so, you begin to open up that door in a person’s mind to begin to understand that they can decide how their life’s going to work. You set that all up by talking about the first half and the second half.

David:
Yeah. I mean, I’m sure as a performance coach you have to deal with all the reasons why people don’t want to change. So maybe let me ask you that question first before Rob jumps in. We all know that it’s possible to change, at least there’s some people who believe that, but not everyone is changing, but they all want the results of a changed life. What do you find gets in the way of people making that decision like you just said, to change?

Greg:
Not letting go of yesterday’s baggage. You know yesterday’s baggage will drag you down and keep you down. You can carry it around with you everywhere you go. It affects every relationship, every new relationship. And somebody else is serving the sentence of somebody who hurt you and abused you. You’ll have a person who’s got an adolescent leading their life at 40 years old. What happened to them at 14 turned them into a person whose self-worth and self-esteem is measured by everything except themselves. So we are real clear that sometimes people can get stuck with yesterday’s baggage. Some people are stuck by not being able to ask for help. I was trained by my father to not ask for help. My father was a good man, hardworking, nonstop, 70 hours a week at the factory.
And I remember going out into the backyard and I think I was eight or nine years old, and I went out and said, “Hey, pops, can I help?” My dad looked at me and said, “Boy, let me tell you something. If you see me in a bear fight, don’t help me, help the bear.” Now, I don’t know what he’s talking about at eight, nine. But over time, repeating that over and over to me. What did he teach me? A man doesn’t need help and I’m not the only one who was raised that way. So there are a lot of things that will interfere with people changing. When I was just doing clinical therapy, I was confident that I would always be employed because people would walk in and ask for help and fight me tooth and nail.

Rob:
That’s true.

Greg:
They would show up saying, “I really need some help.” And I said, “Come on in” because I’m excited. Because they volunteered. They weren’t forced by the court, they weren’t forced by their wife, by their job. Man, this is going to be great. And then they’d fight me tooth and nail and it dawned on me, I’ll always have a job because even when they want help, they will resist, they will fight, because it’s human nature to be resistant to change. They really want to help but change threatens us and it is awkward and it feels uncomfortable and it’s a fascinating part of working with people.

Rob:
Yeah. So you talked about the baggage and that’s what holds its back and the resistance to change. Is there any practical advice that you can give to someone to just let go of that past baggage and start working towards change?

Greg:
Well, you have to teach people that for once in their life, they need to choose themselves. I’m asking you to choose you. And so, people don’t talk to me like that. So if I’ve got to convince someone that yesterday’s baggage might be a person who hurt them, but now they’re still hurting you, you’ve got to decide to evict them. You got to send them an eviction notice. It’s time for you to go. And if I don’t do that, they stay in my head, they stay in my heart, they stay in my self definition. And if I’m trying to redefine who I am, I have to redesign, re-engineer and reinvent myself. And to do that, I may have to yet let go of yesterday’s baggage. One clear example in nature for them is a snake growing and evolving. He has to what? Shed his skin. So there’s some things that have to die in order for me to go to the next one.

David:
Is that what makes it hard is the death feels wrong. Everyone will fight to the death.

Greg:
Yes, sir. But one of the things that with this audience, this is perfect. You ready? One of the greatest motivating forces in the universe is death. We wouldn’t value life if we wasn’t going to die. If I wasn’t going to die. What the heck?

Rob:
Yeah, you’d do whatever you want.

Greg:
But for me, one of the greatest motivators in my life is I know that I can’t get out of this alive. So I better live the best I can and give everything I’ve got.

Rob:
That’s really good. Well, I was asking you, I said, “What are we talking about today” before the podcast and you said, “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” And I said, ‘What makes you happy?” What’d you say?

Greg:
I said, “Waking up.” I’m stunned every morning because I’m like, “This is unbelievable.” If you don’t get that, this is unbelievable that you are a living thinking thing. You’re not just a living thing. You’re a living thinking thing that can ponder the nature of our existence. That’s a miracle man. I didn’t create myself. All I know is that I’m fascinated that I am alive. I’m fascinated that a minute ago I was 27. Now, you know what I’m saying?

Rob:
Yeah.

Greg:
And that time evolves and my life changes and I don’t look like where I come from. What I’ve been through, I don’t look like.

David:
So you’re a walking example that people can let go.

Greg:
I had to let go if I wanted my life to work. I remember at a certain stage in my life, I was in my early 20s, like 21, 22, and I think I had a moment where I looked to the heavens and I said, “If I live to see 25, there must be some purpose in my life.” I turned 25 and I already made a promise at 25 I had to switch. But how do you switch? You have to be deliberate and intentional. You’ve got to decide that I’m capable of pulling off a miracle because I’m fascinated I’m still here. So I said if I live to see 25, there must be some purpose. So now, I’m in pursuit of purpose.

David:
So you’re a coach, you work with athletes, but you’re a performance coach, not an athletic coach. How does that change what you get to do and how do you approach some of these major players that you’ve worked with?

Greg:
I understand that sometimes I’m coaching coaches.

David:
Yes.

Greg:
That’s the beauty of the gig. Sometimes I’m that guy that’s pulling the coach aside and saying, “People have changed. The way you were coached might not be the best decision in this current generation and with this current population and with the current policies and procedures,” boom, boom, boom. But to be able to coach a young person or anyone to figure out how to get the best out of themselves. See, my job is to teach people that they have to be the world’s greatest expert on one subject themselves. I need you to be the world’s greatest expert on you. No one should know you better than you know yourself. You’ve got a young person in your office and they’re trying to figure out why aren’t I starting? Why aren’t I getting a call? Why aren’t I getting the reps? “The coach doesn’t like me.”
“What do you mean the coach… You didn’t come here to be liked by the coach. The coach’s job isn’t to like you. The coach’s job is to coach you. If you’re not on the field, let’s figure out why you’re not on the field.” If you don’t believe in yourself, Tom, why should I believe in you? So stop wanting everyone else believe and you don’t. So teaching people to believe in themselves without question or pause, that’s what I do. Teaching people to figure out how the most important word in sports might be. Everyone has a different word. It might be win, may be championships, it may be boom, I don’t know what you might think, but if you don’t put the word consistency in it, you don’t understand. Consistency, anyone could be the man one day. We can be that gal one day, the woman one day, the person one day. But can you do it consistently? So I’m better than so-and-so. Are you better than so-and-so consistently? Well, right?

David:
Yeah.

Greg:
So being a coach of the mind, a coach of the heart, that’s what I get away with. I get labeled for doing that.

David:
Right. Helping people to understand what kind of mental state they need to be in to put the consistent work in that will eventually transform them into whatever their goal happens to be.

Greg:
Yes, sir.

David:
Best player on the field. Best person in the business. I was thinking as you mentioned, coach doesn’t like me. That shows up at many areas of life, not just sports.

Greg:
Say it again.

David:
Boss doesn’t like me. My mom likes my sister more than me. I mean, that’s a very common response you see from people. They just don’t like me. It really is a way of putting the responsibility of performance on someone else. The reason I’m not doing well is because of them and they just need to like me as opposed to, well, what could I do that would make me more likable? I think we probably benefit if we took that approach. Do you think that comes from pain? People are just like, there’s too much pain associated with accepting that I might be the reason my boss doesn’t like me. Or is it pride?

Greg:
Well, we’re totally oblivious to that, but that’s underneath the surface. On the surface we’re totally oblivious. The ego is structured in such a way that it’s them and it’s clearly them. I remember I had the worst boss on the planet earth. This guy was mean spirited, he was not only depressed, he was depressing. I mean, he rode your heart. He was just not a nice person. And I hate… I was again, in early 20s and I’m trying to change my life and the first gig I get, this guy is brutal. And I’m whining and complaining and I’m just like, “This guy’s crazy.” Boom. And I’m telling anyone that’ll listen to me, how horrible my life is because of this guy, which opened up the door for me to understand, control the controllables.
So I was whining to a coworker, my best friend, and he says, “Let me tell you a story.” He told me about this guy’s life and how he was a chronic alcoholic, that he had lost everything including his family, boom, boom, boom repeatedly. And that he was stuck in a stasis, a state of mind that was just unhealthy. And he began to describe to me, the guy can’t help but be who he is. And of course, why is he still working here? Somebody has care, compassion and concern. What? Wait a minute. So I can’t control how he’s going to act. He’s going to be like that every day. Imagine telling a young person who’s in your office, “The hockey coach. I hate hockey. I love hockey all my life. And now I hate hockey because of the coach, I mean, he’s making me feel…” “Oh, stop. Whoa, hold on.” Your coach is making you feel unhappy. So you’re telling me that a person’s personality is affecting your mindset and your love for a game you would play till you died.
“So how old is your coach?” “I don’t know, 40, 50 years old.” I said, “What’s the likelihood of your coach changing?” “Zero.” “So what’s the solution?” “I guess, I have to change the way I’m interpreting how I’m responding, how I’m reacting.” Control the controllables as simple as that. I can’t control how someone else acts, how they think, but I can control how I respond. I mean, Eleanor Roosevelt said something about no one can make you feel inferior unless you give them permission. That was deep. And I’m not talking about the extremes where we’re talking about physical abuse, sexual abuse. We’re not talking about people being traumatized, we’re talking about regular folk who allow anyone to decide how they’re going to feel in a given day. You don’t have that kind of permission. And if you have that power, I’m taking it back from you. I’m sorry, I get excited.

Rob:
No, that’s awesome.

David:
I appreciate that. I think that there’s a very strong cultural value system that believes others can make you feel a certain way and therefore you have to control them, what they say, how they say it, where they say it. We’re always trying to control other people because we don’t like how it feels when they’re doing something. And I think if we’re honest with ourselves, people can’t make you feel shame, but maybe people’s words can expose shame you’ve already been carrying.

Greg:
Or they can set it up, they can manipulate, they can maneuver, they can trigger, but they can’t make you feel anything. You make a decision on how you’re going to feel about it. As a matter of fact, my self-worth and self-esteem must not be based on external forces. I just covered performance, cashflow, who I’m dating, how I feel about me, you ain’t got control over that. See, win, lose or draw, I’m going to love me. I hate to lose, but I ain’t going to stop liking myself because-

David:
Because you lost.

Greg:
… you kicked my butt, right. At some point you’ve got to teach people that how I feel about me flaws in awe is what matters. Flaws, got them.

David:
Yeah. I’m not going to make hair grow on the top of my head.

Greg:
Hey…

Rob:
Control the controllables David.

Greg:
But I’m not going to hate myself even for the stuff that you did to me 10 years ago.

Rob:
Sure. So Greg, you’ve clearly got a lot of commitment to your work and one of the pieces of coaching you give your clients is about commitment and you’ve coined the phrase 100%, 100% of the time. Can you tell us what that means?

Greg:
Well, you don’t want to open that door. You have to practice, train, and rehearse, give in a 100%, a 100% of the time. Well, that’s a tall order. A 100%, a 100% of the time. I’m saying that you have to have that as your default mode. Is it possible? No, but if my default mode where I go to eat in my worst day I’m trying to give a 100% is a game changer. Let me give you an example. I had a west coast real gangster and it was the family business. It wasn’t one of these video make-believe gangsters that watched a music video and dressed like them. He was legit. He ends up in Ann Arbor, Michigan and he’s like a football playing fool, but the kid is a rebel and he hates authority. Why are you recruiting him? “You haven’t seen him play.” He’s so bad, in the first few months he’s got to meet with me immediately for a drug test or for fighting in the dorm or it’s always something.
So he’s working with me and we’re working hard, but for some odd reason we bond and for some odd reason he begins to change. And a matter of fact, in two years, this guy is managing himself, but now I can’t get rid of him. Every time I look up, “Gee, what you doing? I’m sitting here waiting for you.” He walks in my office and it’s summer and he said, “What you doing?” I said, “Well, right now I’m bored and unfortunately you happen to walk into my office while I’m bored. So guess what? We’ve got to figure out something to do.” Long story short, I said, “People think you’re dumb as a box of rocks.” He said, “Yeah.” I said, “And you don’t care either.” “Nah,” I said, “But you might be, man, I ain’t saying you are bro. I’m just saying we have no data to support that you aren’t. But have you ever been a student?” “No,” “But you’re in college?” “Yeah.”
I said, “But you have to be in college and you have to… This is Michigan. You got to go to class and there’s an expectation that you will function in class.” I said, “But wouldn’t it be interesting if you studied?” I said, “Look, let me explain it to you. I’m going to teach you how to use academics to be a better athlete.” Imagine trying to sell that, right? He said, “You nuts.” I said, “Yes, I am. I’m going to teach you what we always talked about was a 100%, a 100% of the time. But what you forgot is at everything you do, because you have to go to school and I’m bored and you’re bored. We’re going to run an experiment. This semester, you’re going to study and you’re going to train yourself to be a student just to see if you can, not because you have to. Because I’m telling you, if you can teach yourself to give a 100% of the stuff you don’t even like. What happens when you get to the stuff you love?”
He said, “Ooh.” I said, “You will have a habit of self-motivation, self-discipline, and self-control. That’s what I’m trying to teach you. I’m not trying to get you to be a scholar. I’m trying to get you to understand that if you can learn to give a 100% at everything you do, if you can compete at everything, you’ll be an unbelievable athlete.” Yeah, he made it to the NFL, so that’s not even the punchline. You ready? He comes in my office. “Gee, what you doing?” I said, “Waiting on you.” He says, “Man, I got something to tell you.” I say, “What?” “Fool, I made the dean’s list.” This is a real gangster. I’m from the West Coast. We’re giggling and laughing and rolling in the floor because he made the dean’s list and he was shocked and overwhelmed and he was so proud of himself and it’s one of the greatest stories of my life. I have some great athletes and some great entrepreneurs and CEOs I worked with. That’s one of my favorite stories in life, is this kid made the dean’s list and was so happy he was beside himself.

David:
So he made a habit at giving his best when it came to studying.

Greg:
At everything he did, his relationship changed. The relationships with the coaches changed. Everything changed because all I asked him to do is begin to understand the concept of giving a 100%, a 100% of the time at everything you do. So let’s take it to the final note, you ready? If it’s still impossible to give a 100%, a 100% of the time, let me tell you the payoff. If I’ve trained myself to think like that, to find a way to be like that, my worst day is going to be better than the average man’s best day, bam.

Rob:
Okay, so I love this as a concept. Can you tell us a few things that I can actually do to implement this concept of living 100%, 100% of the time, especially in real life context where there are a lot of competing priorities, jobs, side hustles, projects, real estate, family, everything in between?

Greg:
See, he gave the whole list. So let’s say that you are absolutely obsessed with having residual income and properties that are working and income is coming in and you give a 100%, but when it’s family time, I need the same mentality. I need the same mindset. When it comes to relaxing, I need you to be good at it.

Rob:
That’s hard.

Greg:
I don’t need you to pretend. I don’t need you to keep promising yourself to do it. I need you to commit, improve, and maintain your obsession. You’re obsessed with making this podcast the best in the land. I need you to be obsessed with making your relationship the best in the land. I need you to be obsessed with teaching other people what you’ve taught yourself. I need you to be obsessed with being and giddy about taking time for yourself. I need you to put on your calendar and if you make an appointment and you put it in your calendar, you’ll walk through hell with gasoline draws on to make that appointment.
But when you make one for yourself, anybody can bump it. When you make an appointment for you, nobody can take it because it’s an appointment and you keep all of your appointments. I need you to make an appointment. Don’t tell your wife, don’t tell your significant other. I told you this, if you make an appointment with them, you better keep that appointment. You better plot, plan, scheme and dream on how to pull the family into a closer union with you because it’s something you dream of, something that you can commit to and there’s some things that you can give more to because we pretend we don’t have the time. One of the challenges is to be so critically conscious that you know how you waste time and when you waste time and then you restructure the time so that you can put into those time slots, things that are meaningful for you. That’s one way to do it.

Rob:
Yeah, that’s cool. It’s almost like you’re saying instead of choosing your battles, you’re choosing them all. You’re going to war with all the facets of your life.

Greg:
Right. If you’re going to be that guy, because we all dream of being that guy. So if you make all the money in the world and can’t nobody stand your ass.

Rob:
That’s a good point.

David:
Yeah, what’s the point?

Greg:
We know people, we have seen people, we have witnessed people have all the money that you dreamed you want, all the success that people think they want. Who’s in their own lives? That’s not us. We refuse to be that person and a balanced life, for lack of better words is the secret and the real secret that ain’t a secret is and self-love and self acceptance.

David:
Yeah, you had me thinking about when you said if you’re going to relax, relax as good as you can, right? My mind started going through all these different possibilities like when it’s time to go to sleep, do you go to bed and say, “I’m going to sleep as hard as I can for these eight hours and wake up refresh to tackle the day.” Or do you start scrolling on your phone and watching mindless stuff that keeps you from going to sleep, right?

Greg:
You don’t even remember what you watched.

David:
No value to you, exactly. Cotton candy, taste good in the time, there’s no nutrition to it.

Greg:
I think it was Arnold, it was [inaudible] and that’s my guy, and you get trapped and then all of a sudden an hour and a half of no sleep goes by.

David:
Which makes the next day harder. All these battles that you got to fight, Rob just said, are harder to fight. Now you don’t want to fight because you’re tired. You just want to think about coasting through the day versus what you’re talking about is if everything you do, you say, I’m going to do a 100%. So you’re going to wake up, you’re going to get ready as efficiently as you can. You’re going to visualize what you’re going to do that day. You’re going to see yourself winning. You’ve got a time slot that’s already full because you probably prepared it the day before so you know what you’re going to be doing in every conversation you have.
The question is, how do I build up this person as much as I can? Like Rob, you mentioned last night, a lot of the friendships you have now need to be intentional. Are they going where I want to go in life or are they going somewhere else, right? Our conversation last night probably got really good and deep at the very end. What would it have been like if I’d have started off with that topic instead of waiting until two and a half hours went by where we were just talking and got there first? That’s what you’re getting at, right?

Greg:
Yes, sir.

David:
Everything you’re doing do it as good as you possibly can.

Greg:
Because again, we all can talk about bad habits. Let’s talk about creating. Sometimes I got to get rid of these bad habits. Why don’t you replace them? Why don’t you introduce new habits? And they let them overwhelm the bad habits. And so, the good habits that we can create include leading with care, compassion, and concern.

David:
Yeah. So for our audience, one of the biggest struggles that these people have is fear. We’re asking them to leave a W2 job and get into an entrepreneurial mindset. We’re asking them to quit the security that comes from someone else providing for their safety and putting themself in a position where they’re in control of their own safety, which as you know, puts you in a position in life where you’re going to perform the best. But it’s scary, right? So something that people have heard us say before and I want to talk to you about is to stop fearing fear. But your twist on it is that it isn’t about courage, it’s about predictability. Let me know what you mean by that.

Greg:
Look, fear is predictable. It’s part of being human. Rob, Dave, some of the greatest moments of your life, some of the most exciting moments of your life, you’re about to crap your pants.

David:
That’s good, man. I’m about to have a kid. Is that scary?

Greg:
Come on man, think about what we’re talking about.

David:
We’re getting ready to get married.

Greg:
Come on, it was the most exciting moment. But what we discover is that anxiety and excitement, there’s a thin line physiologically speaking between how the body reacts. The same emotions show up when you’re excited and when you’re anxious. Oh my God, then I need to turn anxiety into excitement and fear, into passion, into fire. That’s what we do. That’s what you teach. You teach people to understand that fear is predictable, therefore manageable. Fear is going to show up. You’re about to do something major and you’re thinking about quitting that job and fear shows up, talking about, I don’t know about that. You’re supposed to say fear, I expected you sooner, but I don’t have time for you right now, but I promise I know you’ll be there. We’ll get back together and talk about it. I’m serious, that’s how I coach. I teach my people to anticipate fear. Now, let’s talk about courage. The word courage doesn’t exist unless we’re talking about overcoming…

David:
Fear.

Greg:
Courage doesn’t even exist without understanding fear. Because courage is not the… See, fearless, that’s a wonderful word. But people who are fearless are usually drunk or maybe clinically insane. So what we’re talking about is that courage is not the absence of fear. It’s facing fear, and there are all kinds of fears to face. What I teach is for people to be so excited about the fear that they turn it into magic. They turn it into fire. That’s one of the ways that you have to shift your thinking and anticipate and know that fear is going to show up. If fear doesn’t show up, something ain’t right.

David:
It’s almost like nature’s way of preparing you to do something that’s going to take more out of you than what you’re used to doing.

Greg:
We have all, I don’t care who you are, you’ve had that moment where you were too tired and you did it anyway and you pushed through it. Let’s simplify it, have you ever gone to a carnival on the side of the road? You ever been to an amusement park? You ever get on rides that are being run by people who probably shouldn’t run anything? Imagine a rag called the Demon Drop, for example, you get on the Demon Drop, it’s 10 floors high and some kid…

David:
15 years old looking at his cell phone.

Greg:
Smoking a cigarette when no one smokes anymore, straps you into a coffin and then pulls a lever and you plummet straight down and your stomach goes into your throat and trying to come out your nasal passages and you’re screaming at the top of your lungs, aaaaahh… And then the hydraulic lift works and you get off and say, “That was crazy. Let’s do it again.” You go to a movie in this day and age where now the images seem so realistic, you know you’re going to have nightmares and you’re looking at it and you’re crapping your pants at a movie and having a time in your life. We love being afraid. So what I’m asking you to do is stop being afraid of being afraid. Accept it as part of life and sometimes enjoy it. I was tired. My sleep cycle was off, my bio rhythms are off and boom, boom, boom. I woke up, I was tired.
I’m saying, “Oh my God, who are these guys? Why do they even want to talk to me?” That negative self-talk started. And so, I said, “Oh, I see what’s going on.” I said, “Let me not just talk about Dave and Rob real estate. Let me go study these guys. Let me get excited about what they’re really doing. Let me go deeper than the superficial nonsense that’s trying to tell me. ‘Aren’t you anxious?’ ‘Aren’t you nervous?’” Yeah, but I’m going to have a good time and I know that their job is to enjoy what they’re doing. I’m not being set up. So the self-talk. The self-talk. We have to train our own self-talk. If I can’t do it by myself, ask for help. Use a counselor as a consultant, I teach people how to use counselors. Counselors, if you were running Google, how much do you think you’d make a year?

David:
If you’re running Google, you make enough money. You don’t have to really count money anymore.

Greg:
But if you’re running Google, would you use consultants?

David:
Yes.

Greg:
If you making that much money, why do you need a consultant? Because you can’t see what you can’t see.

David:
Yeah. You need someone to see your blind spots.

Greg:
So what I need you to understand is counselors are consultants, duh. You’re trying to run your life and sometimes you can’t see something. And if you don’t like this counselor, fire his button, get another one until you get one that fits. But you have to begin to become so comfortable in the skin you’re in, that you begin to understand that it is a badge of certainty that you’re capable of asking for help when you need it. I need some assistance. Come here for a minute, I’d like to talk to you. How much do you charge? Okay, you work for me? Cool. Instead of being, I don’t want them in my head. I don’t want anybody telling me what to do. That’s all the nonsense that you’ve been programmed and taught about watching movies and all this nonsense. If you have someone who’s not listening to you, next. Let them go and find somebody.

Rob:
That’s awesome.

David:
We have a lot of people that benefit from having coaching within real estate, but it’s really the same principle that we’re talking about here. It’s not always telling someone what they need to do. We all know what we need to do. It’s having someone help you figure out why you’re not doing it and how you’re getting in your own way, and that’s a form of love, right? When you’ve got people in your life that love you, they naturally want to do that for you. But the way things have worked out, not everybody has a family that can provide that kind of benefit to them. Sometimes they have to seek it externally.

Greg:
Oh, you do because you want to get out of your own way. You do, I know that’s what you do. You teach people to get out of their own way. If they want to go to the next level and begin to understand how they can have income coming in and residual income and boom, boom, boom and managing properties and understanding how to manage the person who’s managing the properties, boom. You teach them, look, you can do this. That’s really what you all do. You can do this.

Rob:
Yeah, we’re just reaffirming what they already know. They just got to dig it up.

Greg:
They want to do it so badly, but they need to be coached. All of us need to be coached. What’s the difference between Tom Brady and Charles Woodson and Desmond Howard and Michael Phelps? They’re hungry and humble. See, people know they’re hungry, but they don’t know they’re humble. Humble enough to be coachable. Being coachable is a statement that you need to begin to teach people how important it is for them to surrender the ego and allow someone else to be an expert. Not on them, but in terms of their advice. You can accept it or reject it. When I’m working with someone, I make it clear you can accept or reject what I’m saying. I’m okay with that. That actually opens up the door for them to say, “Okay man, I’ll listen.”

David:
That’s awesome, Greg. For people that want to find out more about you, where’s the best place for them to go?

Greg:
Well, you need to be real clear that Amazon and Barnes and Noble and Apple are really pushing the agenda. Right now, they can even win a life coaching session when they go to the pre-order.

David:
To get your book right?

Greg:
For my book.

David:
So what’s the name of this book?

Greg:
Stay Sane in an Insane World.

Rob:
I love it. Stay Sane in an Insane World. Is it available for pre-order now or for purchase?

Greg:
You can pre-order and then it’s going to be released August 15th.

Rob:
Awesome.

Greg:
August 15th.

David:
So Amazon the best place for them to go to pre-order it?

Greg:
I would say that’s the easiest way to get it.

Rob:
Fantastic.

David:
Is there anywhere else you want to let people know? Is there an email or a website or anything or you think what’s the best plan?

Greg:
There really is, gregharden.com.

David:
Gregharden.com.

Greg:
It really does exist. I really exist and I’m thrilled to have an opportunity to work with you two guys because I see what you’re doing. You’re not just teaching people how to sell real estate. You’re teaching people how to be… Look, you ready for this? I’m going to give you one. You ready? BiggerPockets, what does that mean? For more money? Or does that mean for more joy and happiness? You might need BiggerPockets.

David:
That’s good.

Greg:
All the joy and the happiness-

David:
That’s good, man.

Greg:
… that we going to bring to you if you follow our program.

David:
Awesome, man.

Rob:
Well, thanks so much for coming on the show, Greg.

Greg:
That’s all right.

David:
Thank you, Greg. Thanks for sharing your air time. I’m assuming you’re from Michigan because all these guys you’re naming, they’re all from Michigan, I’m noticing that.

Greg:
I’m from Detroit. I went and live in Ann Arbor. I worked for the University of Michigan for 34 years and it’s been quite a blessing and quite a treat. I’ve had some unbelievable opportunities to work with some amazing coaches and quite a few athletes, but I also worked with large corporations all before I was working in athletics.

David:
Thanks, man. We appreciate your time. This is a great interview. Tell your son I said hello.

Greg:
All right, will do.

David:
This is David Greene for Rob Pocketful of Sunshine Abasolo, signing off.